Suffering is inherent in mankind. It manifests in mild to severe forms. People consider only the latter forms – loss of a loved one, fatal injury or illness, events causing despair etc. – with any seriousness. The other form is given scant consideration, neglected, taken for granted, not concerned about. Part and parcel of life! There is the notion that suffering and fulfillment come alternatively: that is fulfillment normally following suffering. Both are said to have a balance which keeps life moving on. According to this thinking suffering should be there otherwise life is dull and meaningless. These ideas collectively contribute to the Great Myth about suffering. The truth of the matter is whether mild or severe, suffering is suffering. What is the point if happiness follows suffering? You have already suffered and it does not get nullified by the subsequent happiness! And in this existence suffering will recur again and again. People who are destitute are thought to suffer while those privileged are said to enjoy life. Is there a truth in this? Or is suffering universal? Let us consider a few cases at different levels of the society.
Dharme
Dharme lives with his family in a small house at the edge of the town. In the mornings he drops his shabbily dressed two children at school and proceeds to his work in the town by bus. Presently he works at a building construction site as a mason’s helper. He is not sure if he can get another job once the construction is over. His daily earning is barely enough to support the family. Dharme’s mother is old, feeble and sick and he has to look after her as well. The wife works as a domestic in a company director’s house on a daily basis. Her contribution is essential to run the family. The cost of living is rocketing up almost daily and it becomes increasingly difficult to tie the knot. Whatever it is, at the end of the day when he is tired he has made it compulsory to have a few shots of the hot drink which he enjoys with his worksite buddies. He has some fancy - smoke only imported brand of cigarettes. Back at home, in the night, no sooner than he has gulped down some dinner he hits the mat on the floor fast asleep. Some days he falls asleep without eating; he was so drunk. All in all he was not so an unhappy man till someone whispered in his ear of his wife’s intimate involvement with the driver, at her work place.
Sarala
She was trying hard to study that day’s lecture content for the last half hour but found difficult to focus. The examination is just round the corner. Her roommate in the hostel seems to have no much difficulty. Just when Sarala concentrates on the notes her sweetheart Rashika’s face appears and she goes into a dream world. She is worried. Unlike Rashika, she is not from a well to do family. The Mahapola bursary that she gets evaporates within a week. The little cash her father sends is barely enough to survive. Her mother is diabetic. Is she taking drugs regularly? Her brother is too young to understand these. What would happen in the future? Will their aspirations be successful? If she couldn’t concentrate on her studies will she be able to get through to the final year? Sarala has a pleasant voice and has a natural talent to sing. Her main relaxation and happiness is singing to her friends when she forgets all her worries.
Tikiri Banda
Tikiri Banda is married to a teacher. They were a happy couple at Manike’s parent’s house in the village until the first child was born. Both Tikiri who is attached to a bank and the wife worked in the city. They had to spend three hours a day on travelling alone. The demand, to be with the child was so much that they decided to move to the suburbs to cut short the travel time. The house they started building was only half finished when they moved in. Now they have another child, cost of living is skyrocketing by the day; the construction of the other half is temporarily halted. Since both father and mother go to work someone has to be at home to look after the children. Tikiri’s mother-in-law comes and stays for a few days once in a way, especially when the children fall ill. This is a big problem for them. Even though the mother stays Menike and Tikiri take turns and wait at home on leave, until the children are better. Both have been reprimanded by their superiors for taking too much leave. Sometimes Menike feels that she should resign from the job. They have to get a domestic helper’s services. You cannot find aides in the city and through a contact Banda found a young woman after a four hour journey, from the hill country. As if they don’t have enough troubles already, they have a land dispute with their neighbor. Once a month at least, either the husband or the wife has to appear in court. A judgment seems to be far away. Tikiri Banda is a different man now. He loses temper even for a minor matter, beats the children and has heated arguments with Manike who also responds in kind. The children are confused. Some elders advised to conduct Bodi Pujas and offerings to the gods but none of these helped to bring peace and happiness back to the family. What went wrong? The situation is so complicated and troublesome yet Menike’s mother and some friends suggest that it is better to have a baby boy, both present children being girls. Menike says, “Yes, it would be nice.” With all the hardships and suffering they already undergo? Oh! They are blind to these. No common sense! The only happy times they have now are watching dramas or movies on TV, watching the children performing in school concerts and buying a few toys to the little ones on pay day.
Dr. Pedro
Dr. Pedro is a well established consultant surgeon. He practices with his wife who is also in the same profession. They have a fully furnished house with all the amenities in the city. The couple is earning enough to live a decent life. The family enjoys their trips, weekend packages in five star hotels and vacations abroad. Nevertheless, they feel that their colleagues are doing better and they wanted to earn more; a few more surgeries a day would do. The two are a bit over ambitious too; send children to an internationally recognized academic institute - Oxford or Cambridge - rather than a local university. Pedro gets up at 4.00 a.m. so that he could be ready to drop the children at school; beat the rush hour traffic in the morning. Both father and mother come home passing 11.30 in the night after performing surgery in 2 leading private hospitals in the city. The children see their parents’ faces only for a brief few minutes in the morning. Rest of the day domestic aides take care of them; get them to tuition after school or any other as required. Where is the family life? How many hours a day do they sleep? Is just a 4 hour sleep sufficient? Are they fit enough to perform such a skillful, responsible job? Why is this blind drive to make more and more money? Will they be ever happy and content? One day the news came that the son with some of his classmates was caught taking some narcotics. This is when the father and the mother started blaming each other, leading to hot arguments. He was attending to some patients at home once when he overheard a sarcastic remark made by the wife from an inner room. The man furious with rage stormed in and shouted, “Say that again”. This is how the days pass by. What is happening to the harmony and happiness in the family?
Pala Mudalali
The speedometer of the BMW touched 110 kph. It whisked down the flyover but just leaving it skidded and crashed onto the granite wall of a shopping mall. There weren’t many observers on the road as it was 2.30 in the early morning. The police found an unconscious young man at the wheel. The only other passenger of the sports car, a beautiful girl, was already dead. Some used sachets of heroin lay on the floor board. The police immediately knew the owner of the car. Only a handful of people in the city have this model of BMW. They promptly resort to action for no one wants his chief to know that he was lethargic in settling out an incident involving Pala Mudalali’s son. Within an hour they cleared out the whole scene before any media people came and by the first sunlight there was hardly any evidence of an accident at the site.
Pala is the owner of a conglomerate involved in export garment manufacture to gem and tourist hotel business. There is hardly any person in the country who has not heard of him. He is very wealthy, influential with several Ministers and high ranking police officers in his pocket. Nobody dares challenge him. The businessman leads such a luxurious life, material wise he has everything he wants. Nevertheless, Mudalali has a few worries some caused by others and some by the enemy within. His son Siri who is the heir to his huge enterprise is uncontrollable; a spoilt child of rich parents. However much he tries to show him the right direction it is to no avail. Siri’s two sisters’ is another story. The young girls’ fancy is to spend the evenings in the company of boys in night clubs. Pala’s wife was diagnosed with breast cancer recently. He himself has high blood pressure. He takes care of a mistress too. He thinks, “With so much wealth what harm? I provide her with all the luxuries. So, what? ” His wife consulted voodoo men and Devalas to break the relationship but nothing worked. So she decided to forget it; live with it.
Pala is also known to be a philanthropist. He makes so many generous donations to charity and also maintains a home for orphans. He is the chief guest in many ceremonies both private and public. To these he rides in his latest model luxury vehicles of which he owns quite range. Mudalali is also the Chief Custodian of the famous sacred temple in the city.
The way out of the pit
The people in the lower income group have as their issues in life, finding food, clothing and shelter – basic material requirements for survival. Since the income is insufficient to meet the cost of essentials, life is a bitter struggle for them. There is hardly any enjoyment in life but mainly distress. If you are poor there is no question but you have to find some means of improving your life. It is futile to lament over the situation all the time. This will add to more suffering and you will slide down to more destitution. Nor is it worthwhile to compare the plight with, to be jealous of, to cultivate aversion over or hate the haves. This attitude carries the situation from bad to worse. If you are fallen into a pit try to get out of it. You shouldn’t shout abuse at those looking down at you! But rather be polite and seek their assistance to climb out.
Primarily it is a matter of obtaining the basic requirements as it is concerned with survival. Obviously the situation demands a worldly solution. There are so many avenues both public and private open. Schemes to provide loans to start income generating projects such as home based businesses and industries, crop farming and training facilities for skilled labor etc. are available. There are so many who have been benefitted by these, some even by going abroad earning high salaries. You must have a positive attitude. Whatever you earn by right livelihood should be carefully made use of, spending only on essential requirements without wasting it on what you fancy. And most importantly try to save if possible, even Rs. 10/= a day would do because this grows little by little without you noticing it. The majority of daily wage earners waste money on cigarettes, liquor, narcotic drugs and horse race gambling. Just imagine how much money could be saved if you are not indulged in these unskillful practices.
If you feel sunk and hopeless you would tend to seek some mental relaxation by engaging in bad habits such as taking intoxicants to which you could easily become addicted to. This is what happened to Dharme. He finds drinking as a consolation to his worries over shortcomings in the family. But this makes things worse because he has to spend a considerable fraction of his daily earnings on liquor and on smoking. He wastes his energy and time uselessly. There is another drastic consequence of this habitual routine. A tired man at the end of the day Dharme gets exhausted when he gets home because of the drinking session. He goes straight to sleep with or without dinner. The wife is forgotten. The sensual needs of a young woman are neglected resulting in her seeking these pleasures elsewhere. The situation is explosive. The trust between the partners is irreparably broken. The happiness, harmony and peace in the family are severely affected. This could lead to violent and dangerous consequences. Someone may lose life or go to jail disrupting family life: the gains of bad habits; of unwholesome deeds. So Dharme’s life is full of suffering not only due to lack of material needs but also due to loss of hope, negative thinking, indulgence in unskillful activities in order to find solace and neglecting the spouse’s gender requirements.
Worrying takes you nowhere
No one can predict the future. This uncertainty creates worry; suffering. This is the undergraduate Sarala’s misery. When she got selected to the university she felt it was the beginning of the end of her worries. She thought it is a matter of studying, getting the degree and finding a decent job. But before long, things began to change. Financial constraints began to pinch her from time to time. The concessions given by the university were not sufficient to compensate for the basic requirements of education. Frustration sets in. Meeting Rashika helped her to forget her worries somewhat. He is handsome, affectionate and very much concerned about her happiness. But he himself has become a cause to worry. Can he be really trusted? Will he be the same after passing out? Will she get the blessings of his parents one day? She will have to take care of her own parents when the studies are over.
The young student has serious concerns about the future. Will it be safe and secure? As of now she doesn’t have to bear responsibilities. But once employed these and commitments will crop up. Sarala’s worries exceed her happiness in leaps and bounds.
Planning the future is a must
What has happened to the aspirations and expectations Tikiri Banda and Menike had when they got married. Where is the happiness, the tranquility that they thought will prevail in their sweet little nest? They believed that once they moved closer to the work places things would be alright. But now new problems have come up. There is an additional mouth to feed. The salaries they earn are not sufficient to pay the bank loan and to meet the day to day expenses. Yet, Tikiri argues, “Ah! once the loan is settled we will be standing on our feet again.” Nevertheless, with the ever rising inflation he has doubts in a corner of his mind. Yet he doesn’t want to believe it. Once the couple had good hopes for the future but these were shattered after a short time and they believe in them yet again. They don’t see the futility of their thinking – that happiness is short lived and that it ends in suffering. With all the difficulties at hand Manike is willing to have another child. Her desire is the cause for suffering which she doesn’t realize. Planning life must be within your limitations. Otherwise you will be inviting trouble; suffering.
Intellectual knowledge alone cannot bring happiness
On the other hand Dr. Pedro and his wife are educated, have status and are well recognized in the society. Occasionally they enjoyed their life; get-togethers, trips – local and abroad. Is their family a peaceful and a happy one? Hardly from it! Their drive to make more and more money makes them blind to see reality. Children are being neglected. Son’s addiction to drugs adds more worry to them. They think once the children are educated and employed their problems would be over. But this is so unrealistic and new issues are sure to arise. That is what life is. No one can say that there won’t be problems in the future. Having sufficient wealth, expertise and a decent position in the society has not put an end to un-satisfactoriness, unhappiness and worry.
Affluence also creates suffering
How about Pala Mudalali? He is one of the most privileged. Mudalali has almost all the material wealth under the sun as well as influence, status, recognition, supporters and so on. He and the family enjoyed the luxuries in life along with trips round the globe, gala functions etc. Yet here the happiness ends. Children’s behavior, wife’s illness, future of the business empire and his foul consciousness over his business ethics, guilty of having a mistress and a sense of insecurity over his family, his property and himself with so much kidnappings going on in the country demanding thumping amounts of ransom are some of the bitter thoughts that keep on bothering him. With all the wealth he has, the affluent man still has worries and suffering.
Not seeing suffering as suffering
The foregoing cases in point reveal that people at all levels of the society whether lower, middle or upper have one thing in common, that is suffering. The suffering need not necessarily be in its severe form such as despair and anguish to affect us. Even a slight irritation causes suffering. The problem is that we do not realize this fact unless it is felt strongly. Why do we have this attitude? One reason is that we think suffering is part and parcel of life. Of course there is no other truth than this. But because of the same conclusion people do not try to find a permanent solution to get out of it. Since you are bound to bear responsibilities, obligations and commitments in family life you feel though there is suffering, you must not complain about it. Some are of the view that though there is suffering, equally there is happiness too, trying to strike a balance between the two extremes. But little they realize that when there is suffering you have to undergo it; experience it, that is, suffer it. If joy follows suffering, it has no relation to the latter. It is a different thing altogether and you enjoy it. And certainly this happiness does not neutralize the suffering. It is only temporary. Still some others think that one fine day all the suffering will be over and happiness will prevail since then. This is a fallacy; an illusion. This has been proven untrue so many times in our life but still they are not awakened to the truth. Also there is no guarantee that what follows suffering is its opposite always. In fact, this is wrong thinking. Further the future is uncertain. No one can predict that one will not get a stroke and be bed ridden for the rest of your life, get a heart attack, get cancer, get high blood pressure or worse drop dead suddenly in a most unimaginable place. This uncertainty itself is suffering because it is fearful.
Whatever the happiness enjoyed lasts only for a short while. Suppose you have some targets in life, have higher education and get a decent job, become rich, become a public figure or even win the heart of someone you love, acquire something you fancy and so on. Once you have achieved the target you’ll be excited, relieved and delighted. Yet this would be only for a short time. Sooner than later issues and problems associated with the new acquisition will come up and these will bring worries and unhappiness. Nevertheless, these won’t stop you. Because you won’t be satisfied with what you got! “I achieved this. So what? ” Now you would aim at another; a higher target. Un-satisfactoriness; suffering! So many other examples can be considered. Let us take a simple matter. Suppose you have a favorite food. After eating it regularly for 3 or 4 times you become fed up with it. Rather than taking it, you despise it. Here the same thing that brought pleasure becomes the cause of suffering. Same applies to acquiring higher luxuries. You yearn to possess a Pajero jeep. You order one and wait anxiously till it arrives at the harbor. Once you get it cleared you will be so happy and excited you will proudly show it off to others. After a few months a new make say the Rexton gets the highest demand in the market and your neighbors and friends buy it. Now you also want to be an owner of the new jeep but the Pajero has to be disposed of. Yet this is not easy; may be it has a low secondhand market or you’ll not get an offer at least close to your figure. Now the Pajero that brought so much happiness becomes an object of unhappiness. What happened to the happiness that you earned with so much sacrifice? Surely you are not satisfied with what was achieved. This un-satisfactoriness causes suffering. This goes on and on. Will you ever be content with what you have got?
People think that the mission of life is accomplished when you finish your education, get married, have children, give them a good education and a decent mean to live. They do not even for a moment ponder about the suffering they undergo to fulfill these achievements. Why? Because for them, it is their duty, obligation, commitment and responsibility. Some say that life without these experiences is meaningless; useless: targeting unmarried persons sarcastically. But the truth of the matter is suffering is suffering, to which they are blind or pretend to be so. You sacrifice on the average of about 30 years of your life on these worldly involvements. But would there be some consolation or relaxation after all these are over. There are so many old couples from well to do families living in loneliness with the children married and left with no happiness. Some of them healthy, but most suffering from old age illnesses; some bed ridden depending on the care and mercy of hired health staff. All the time they lament about the good times they had in the family. Grand pianos, sofas and other furnishings gather dust; luxury vehicles rust in the garages. For some children, old parents become a burden and a nuisance to their family life. These hapless individuals are then sent to homes for elders.
The parent-child relationship becomes the worst when the time comes to allocate property in most families with more than one child. In the case of land, if one sibling gets just a few perches more the others protest; even if the division is equal, if one gets a bit fertile plot objections are raised. The relations between parents and children become so sour the fact that they lived under the same roof for 20 or 30 years with love and affection is forgotten overnight. Some children curse their parents; hate them; sever the bondage forever. Was the love existed unconditional? Were the problems over, once the children were grown up, educated and employed? The parents cannot retaliate because they are their own children; own flesh and blood; whom they brought to this world, loved and cared for, fed and nourished and got educated. Yet for a minor discrepancy the young pet cobra raises its hood and hisses at you. This is how they show gratitude for all the sacrifices you have made. So the parents suppress their feelings and suffer in silence. What a torment? Words cannot describe the suffering they undergo. These unfortunate parents are subjected to so much agony they become pathetically subdued in life. Whatever has happened to their expectations? Where is the happiness and relaxation? All their nice dreams have evaporated. Can you warrant that you will not be in their situation one day? Is this the life we want? The future is unpredictable and therefore is fearful. This is what birth brings us. One has to realize this fact that suffering exists at all ages in life.
The birth and suffering are interconnected. A bold and a true saying of a wise person, comes to my mind when talking about birth and suffering. A young American monk lived in a hilly, jungle monastery in the up country some years ago. He was friendly with the people in the village at the foot of the hill, especially with the headmaster’s family at the small school. The villagers provided alms and other necessities to the monks. The headmaster had a son, a nine year old, healthy, lively child. Everybody liked him. The boy was very fond of the ‘Sudu Sadhu’. Quite unexpectedly, the child contracted a serious illness which caused his demise. The monk came to the funeral. The father, the mother and the some close relatives were weeping uncontrollably. Immense suffering! The headmaster after chatting for a few minutes, asked the monk, “Venerable Sir, why should such a tragedy befall an innocent and a young child like mine?” The monk’s prompt reply was “Because he was born.” The whole answer to this existence full of suffering is summed up just in these four words. I’m not sure how the schoolmaster took the statement. If he was a wise person he would have grasped it in its true sense. This is a great yet a simple to understand fact that we all should realize. If there is no birth there is no suffering. On the other hand as long as there is birth there is suffering. And if birth does not happen, suffering does not come into existence. The headmaster definitely saw disease and death as suffering. But did he see birth as suffering? This is something generally we all don’t see. Because death is suffering in its severe form, it is felt strongly. The birth is not regarded as suffering but is rather welcome as an occasion for celebration. This is due to sheer ignorance.
One other reason why people don’t grasp the truth about suffering is that whenever a problem comes they think there is always a solution to it. So the suffering will last only till the problem is solved. After that everything is going to be alright. No more suffering! But they don’t realize that new problems could arise in place of the solved one. There is no end to this chain. This is the nature of this existence. As long as the existence is there, there is suffering. Take for instance that you are to go on an excursion. You are so excited and delighted. But you have to get ready for it; fetch things; pack baggage; check if all the necessary items are included; arrange transport; get sufficient money for expenses; find out information on the overall situation of the destination, apply for leave if employed etc. What a lot to be attended to in search of happiness! Just a few hours on the journey you get tired; tired of sitting in the same place for so long. You want to stop and rest for a while. You may develop a headache or get nausea. This discomfort may last for a few hours even after reaching the end of the trip. Your enjoyment is hampered. Precious time for happiness is lost. With the nightfall, the men mainly, get together to celebrate the joy with a few hot drinks to uplift the spirit of delight. A few? At least that is how they start it. But are they at peace; relaxed? How can an intoxicated mind be relaxed? The women with the children meanwhile form another group. Where is the family get-together; the shared happiness? After a late night some men develop a hangover in the next morning; after effect of too much alcohol consumption. Are they enjoying the trip? They take it that it will pass off during the day and if staying for another day back to celebration again that evening. For them it is, once the suffering passes over, back to the cause of suffering to find pleasure again. That it brings suffering over and over again, is of no concern; forgotten; gets no attention.
Sightseeing is mainly on foot. Some sites may be at high elevations needing climbing; may be in the hot sun or in the rain. Is this fun? Last day of the trip you are so tired; now you are fed up with it. You want to get back home as soon as possible. What happened to the so much expected happiness? You were blind to see the unhappiness, worry and the suffering it could create. This is how it is. This is the truth. You forget all these, however. Would you like to go on a trip again? Yes of course! This is what ignorance is. It is a vicious cycle. Not seeing suffering as suffering. The greatest stumbling block that obstructs and prevents us from liberating us from suffering. This is how the worldly life is; its nature is. One must analyze these and try to realize the truth. Why are we blind to the truth of suffering? We have taken these attitudes of life for granted. This is how mankind has been living for generations. And thus it is the way to do it! So just follow what your elders had been doing; what others around you do, without reflecting and trying to analyze what this life is all about. The elders didn’t complain about suffering; rather they undertook it as their duty to suffer patiently. So should we! This is why you miss the point - the truth of suffering.
Unfolding wisdom - end of suffering
Is there a solution for suffering; of course a definite and a permanent one? Not a patching up job because this answer already exists in this world as and when an issue of suffering arises. There should be one which does prevent the recurrence of suffering, in other words a full stop to it. How and when does suffering occur? It must be realized that suffering arises as a result of our craving. The desire to acquire some likeable object or to prolong and intensify a pleasant experience and the will to repel disagreeable things causes suffering. Once something desired is possessed and its transient state realized it breeds suffering. Who gets the desire to own something? It is the result of an instantaneous process that occurs when sensory inputs are received by the sense organs eye, ear, nose, tongue and body. The incoming signals are identified, evaluated as pleasant or unpleasant, resulting in a reaction either to welcome or resist these. These processes are brought about by mind factors i.e. by the mind collectively. This fact has to be realized and one must train the mind to observe these happenings without labeling them as positive or negative – pleasant or unpleasant – without responding or reacting. This is what happens during the meditation based on the Noble Eightfold Path which I have described in my first article. This way you can understand that suffering is not yours but it is also another thought that arises, exists and passes away just like any other. The moment you get the notion that “I suffer” or “my suffering” suffering comes into being. The ego “I” at work! This is what normally happens with us. But once you realize that suffering is everywhere and it’s universal and not ‘self’ you can escape from the slavery of suffering. In other words you get rid of or let go of the attachment to the object of suffering and it ceases. This is the only way you can live a life of fulfillment. The way to achieve this is by developing wisdom. The wisdom dawns in an open and a free mind - a mind free of doubts and other defilements - because such a mind is receptive to wisdom. This is exactly what happens during the mediation exercise mentioned. During the exercise the mind becomes free and pure and the wisdom develops. It just happens. One doesn’t have to strive or force it. You will realize that there is no ‘self’ but only the ever changing phenomena of the mind. Suffering is only a part of this thought process. One must see this through insight. Once this fact is enlightened upon, the Great Myth of suffering ends and one attains fruitions of the Path. The meditation based on the Noble Eightfold Path is the only way to achieve this. So, one must practice this meditation with the right effort. May all grasp this opportunity to end suffering and achieve at least the first fruition of the Path while still living and enjoy its benefits.
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